Yesterday was a difficult day. I found out that my ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend (totally expected, sad, but not the issue). He is taking his daughter over to her house to “spend” the night with her though they barely know each other (the BIG issue). We just broke up a few months ago. Sure, it was probably a slumber party with cake and ice-cream! Right? I wonder whose hand went into the water bowl first?
I know it is none of my business and he has every right to move on. I am really disturbed though he couldn’t see his newbie on his own time. His daughter leaves for college in just 5 weeks. So…Why not wait for the sleep over until she is off to college? Children and teens are very impressionable and dad bed-hopping surely isn’t painting a prettier picture. This is how dysfunction continues in family lines breaking bad. And in this case, breaking bed.
Did I know this man at all? I would have expected at least the courtesy of leaving his teenage daughter out of his explorations into someone else’s bed. I was surprised when I went to his new love’s PUBLIC Facebook profile to find very seductive, half-nude photos of herself within her photo thread.
It didn’t surprise me that he would be attracted to someone like her. A lot of men are attracted to those who reveal more of themselves, hence why perhaps they display the photos. My ex has spent a lot of time in clubs, including strip clubs, as a popular DJ. Provocativeness can feed the fantasies…I get it.
I question the integrity of the man who was absolutely “in love” with me and is now bed hopping with his daughter in tow so shortly after the break up. The plot in this ex relationship continues to thicken. I’m being tested at the deepest level of my being to empathize with his choices and mine.
The narcissist always puts his needs first and before an evaluation can be made of what impression his or her actions will leave on others. In this example his daughter who just turned 18 and graduated from high school. He preaches at her often about being a good girl. When she screws up and shows she’s a typical teenager, he flips out, and the reason we took a break. There is serious hypocrisy. And he doesn’t see it.
His daughter seems to go with the flow as if much of what he does is normal. And for all I know, it is normal for her. I honestly have no idea how many women he has over the years exposed her to and who may have also been burned on the trail before he met me. I learned of at least three. He moves fast. I met his daughter on our first date which was interrupted by a very dramatic event picking her up from her mother. That time he made the choice of keeping me in tow. Red flag.
Today I feel raw. And I feel disenchanted. If you read my earlier blog Hearts Burning on the Trail of Tears and the follow-up postings you’ll understand why I am feeling this way. I’m not a light switch that can turn on and off so easily. I spent 1.5 years with this family.
My late husband always said, “Out of every pile of shit, a flower may bloom.” Maybe something good will come out of this heartbreak…eventually. Moving forward, I do know I learned something valuable about being careful in choosing a partner. Go for the calm, cool and collected! The bumpy ride can end in a crash!
Jennifer Buergermeister 